I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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