Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
