That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
