btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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