I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
