I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
