If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize