I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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