apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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