you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
