found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
