I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
