Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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