is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
