So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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