im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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