I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
