The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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