You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
