i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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