Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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