Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
