Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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