Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
