i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
