they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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