don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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