looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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