Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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