a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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