tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize