i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
