if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize