He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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