The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
