I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
