im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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