Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
