Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
