Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
