I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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