A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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