It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
