I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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