I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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