She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
