Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
time to smoke my breakfast
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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