I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
