My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
