Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
