Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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