just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
