my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
