i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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