It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
