dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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