We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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