So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
