If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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