Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
