just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize