worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
