I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
