dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
