hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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