Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
