she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bring me that man meat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
