brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
