please come you make the beer taste better
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize