Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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