the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
