I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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