he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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